The Present
Sandy weighs less than 95 pounds. She eats little, is seldom awake, cannot get out of bed, and requires almost total care of her bodily needs. Her deteriorating mind now only expresses the briefest of comment suggesting a recognition of present people or objects, she generates almost no responses to comments or questions, and she usually keeps her eyes closed and makes no visual contact.
I do not know how to interact with her except to assume she may hear and understand me when I talk to her about the day's events. While with her, I raise her bed and sometime calling one of her friends on Facetime. I could tell that Alice, her beloved superintendent and boss at Molalla River School District, strugdge with her tears as she talked to Sandy. Sandy roused herself and and couple of times uttered something in response.
Severe aphasia throws up a horrible roadblock but from her response, I continue to assume she understands what people are saying. I asked her, "Alice would like to come to Oregon and see you. Would you like that?"
"Yes." but nothing more. So she understands. Perhaps she is withdrawn so she can occupy her thought with her preparation of her future. It is painful for me. The wonderful, cheerful staff at Ciel—always empathetic—provide comforting talk as they feed her and encouragement to me. I could not ask for better caregivers.
Hospice provides a team of physicians, nurses, social workers, hygiene and bathing technicians, and a remarkable pastor, the Reverend Dr. Tom Nolan. I find him unusually intelligent and empathetic. Joan volunteers to come weekly; she sings, performs on her little harp, plays one of Sandy's favorite CDs, and reads a letter or note someone has sent. Her loyalty is remarkable. This supportive team coupled with all my family, make Sandy and myself very well supported. People seem to know.
The Future
I'm in uncharted territory in my role as the husband of Sandy, but in thinking through the future, I have attempted to reflect, investigate, and prepare myself by anticipating future needs and events. I have had some meetings and phone calls and from this a memorial service is taking shape. Most Meinhard family members have a window in mid June so I reserved Wednesday, June 18, for a memorial service and evening dinner. Perhaps with this advance planning we can muster a family gathering that week. Let's continue to talk and see what emerges.
J Alex is taking the lead for organizing a corresponding memorial event in Cincinnati with the Alcoke family. No date as yet. Diane Richardson, a good friend, thoughtful counselor, and a source of Sandy's early family passed away in November.
I'll post some documents outlining the Portland memorial service, venues, participation, a calendar for the week, and gathering arrangements.
Dick
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